Ways to Annoy Professor Snape: (A List)
by ManuscriptMaiden21
Summary: Simple as that. 17 ways to annoy Snape thouroughly. This was made out of boredom, but I thought it was funny. Enjoy! (PS: I love Snape, but I was feeling weird)


This was made out of sheer boredom, and me putting off my homework for a few minutes. Enjoy!

WARNING: I AM NOT LIABLE FOR ANY PHYSICAL, MENTAL, OR EMOTIONAL DAMAGE INFLICTED ON YOU BY PERFORMING THE CONTENTS OF THIS LIST. ANY FURTHER ARGUMENTS MAY ME DISCUSSED WITH MY ATTOURNY, FLUFFY. Thank you, and have a bloody magical day! (I don't care if you don't think this is funny. I was bored.)

Cheers!

How to Annoy Snape (A List):

1.) Go up to him in class (or any other public place) Look at him with a blank face, then proceed to laugh hysterically until you cry. Walk away with a straight face and act like nothing happened.

2.) Pour salt and lemon juice into his morning coffee. Proceed to do so until he stops drinking coffee. Proceed to fill his drinks with combination until he stops drinking liquids all together. Proceed with food, etc.

3.) Sneak up behind him while he is writing on the board (and or distracted) Steal his wand, then yell at the top of your lungs to the rest of the class: "KEEP AWAY!" Toss his wand around until he threatens to kill you and the class.

Reply: "You're not really in a position to argue. Are you, Professor?" Only give him his wand back when he promises to give Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw 1000 points EACH everyday for a week.

4.) Get the entire class (and or Great Hall) to creeper stare at him the entire time. (Bonus points if you can get the teachers to do it during staff meetings!) (Triple points if you can get the Order of the Phoenix to do it at their meetings!)

5.) Put thumb-tacks on his chair. Use an invisibility and sticking charm on them. Watch for results. Proceed to run like hell.

6.) Bribe Harry to go up to him and say: "I know you secret, Snape." Make sure he gives Snape a pointed look and blinks his eyes A LOT until he gets it. Reserve Hospital Wing bed for Harry.

7.) Mix up a bunch of potions ingredients. Sing "Put the Lime in the Coconut" at the top of your lungs while doing so.

8.) Ask Harry to borrow his Invisibility Cloak. Get past Snape's wards, sneek into his chambers at night, and with a voice charm, pretend to be Lily. (I know, this is cruel.) Tell him your calling from the 'Great Beyond.' Do so until he cries. (I love Snape, but I'm feeling mean.)

9.) (Following #8) Take pictures. Give them to staff. Tell them that Snape's therapy hasn't been working, and that he still has problems handling his 'emotional side.'

10.) Get up on your desk, and start singing show tunes. When Snape tell you to stop, stare at him for a moment, then do 'jazz hands.' Proceed to tap dance like an idiot until he hexes you. (Bonus points if you can get the students (including the Slytherins!) to join in.)

11.) Enchant a Muggle electronic (radio) to play music in the Great Hall. Organize a House-wide flash mob of "Play that Funky Music, White Boy!" Make sure it is clear you are referring to Snape. (Bonus points if you can get the House Elves, Ghosts, and Staff to join in.)

12.) If he's yelling at you, tap him on the bridge of his nose and say: "Beep." Act like nothing happened.

13.) Run into the Great Hall from the dungeons crying and screaming. Scream to anyone who will listen that Snape hit you. Make sure that you apply enough charms and make-up to make a nasty-looking bruise. Sit back and watch the results.*

*If he is about to be fired, throw your arms around him in a rib-snapping hug. Exclaim: Awww, I forgive you! How could I not with that pathetic face?" RUN. (I recommend having a broom with you for escape, or at least the Healers in St. Mungo's on stand-by.)

14.) Swear at him in Spanish. Switch to several different languages until he is confused. Switch back to English. Proceed to speak in Gobbledegook, then English, then Spanish again. Repeat until he uses "Silencio."

15.) If he takes a large amount of points from your House, stand up on your desk and belt out, "We're Not Gonna Take It." Start screaming about 'rebellion', 'dictatorships', prejudice', and 'sticking it to the greasy man.'

16.) Remind him about how his mother died in his 7th year. If he gets upset, cries, or yells, use the retort that he used on Harry: "Feeling sentimental?" (Wow, I really am cruel.)

17.) Give him a hug in some public place. If he asks why, say: "It is in accordance to the prophecy." Proceed to walk away without any further explanation.

WOW, that was a waste of time! If you liked it, review. If you didn't, screw you, I don't like you either. If you want me to do a sequel, say so in your review. Cheers! - Maiden


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